As a Matagorda County attorney, I hear about it all the time. The holidays can be a difficult time for children whose parents are divorced or separated. No matter how co-parents schedule their time with their child—for example, splitting time on Christmas or one parent taking Christmas Eve and the other Christmas day—the holidays can be a confusing time.
Want to make it easier on your child this holiday season? These tips might help.
Do Not Make Them Feel Like They Are to Blame
If you do not get to spend time with your child on a holiday like Christmas, it’s perfectly fine to feel sad. But you should think of your child’s feelings before sharing that information with them. Telling them that you are sad that you won’t get to see them on the holiday won’t change the situation for the better. In fact, it could make your kid feel as though they are to blame for your sadness.
Instead, focus on the positives. Tell them you are excited to spend time with them on an upcoming day. Ask them if they are excited about their presents. Tell them to have a great holiday. The things you say could affect how they view the holiday for years to come.
Allow Them to Talk about Their Other Parent Freely
If your kid wants to talk about your ex-spouse, it’s critical that you try to make them feel like you want to hear what they have to say, even if you really don’t. Avoid facial expressions and comments that make your child feel bad about sharing what they do with their other parent. Regardless of your divorce, you and your ex-spouse are both a huge part of your child’s life.
Alternatively, do not use your child as a way to get more information about your ex-spouse by asking them questions about their time together. Only if your child wants to be forthcoming about their time with their other parent should you ask them.
No Negative Talk about the Other Parent
You should make this a habit for the rest of the year, too. Negative talk about the other parent, no matter how discreet you think you are being, can have an adverse effect on your relationship with your child. Before you and the rest of the family get together, be sure to have a talk with them about not being negative toward your ex-spouse.
Reduce Their Stress When Dropping Them at Their Other Parent’s House
The holidays can be a stressful time, but it is imperative that you take measures to reduce your child’s stress when you take them to their other parent’s house. For example, if something about the exchange changes, let your child know ahead of time. If you have to change the time or place or your ex-spouse needs to change things, communicate to your child that you and their other parent have agreed that a different time or place is best for everyone.
It’s important to keep your child’s point of view in mind when making decisions. By taking on their perspective, you can avoid creating new stresses in their life.
Talk to an Experienced Matagorda County Attorney
If you need to speak with an attorney who practices family law, don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I am here to help.